Back in 2019, my life was falling apart, and I had no idea why. I started going to therapy, and, after a lot of excavation, figured out that I was living with Complex PTSD stemming from several types of trauma in my childhood. Although I’d spent most of my adult life as an atheist, I still found myself grappling with religious beliefs from a church I hadn’t attended since I was a teenager. After spending my days in my graduate student office working on coding and hardware testing for satellites, I’d go to my therapist’s office and struggle to name a single thing I was feeling.
Eventually, I started to piece together how my past experience had shaped me. I became obsessed with learning everything I could about psychology and trauma healing. I found a community of people who were also healing from complex trauma. Instead of wanting so badly to look successful on the outside, I became focused on being more at peace with myself.
During that same time, I also started writing as a way to process difficult experiences and sort through what I was feeling about them now. It was the origins of my memoir about going outside of myself to the far reaches of the solar system, only to turn deeply inwards. Simultaneously, I addressed lingering issues from being raised as a Seventh-Day Adventist.
At the end of my fourth year of my PhD program, I was working on a team of other early stage career scientists and engineers on a mission proposal to Io, a moon of Jupiter. Part of me was thrilled. This was something I had worked towards for so long. My peers were talented and inspiring. Yet, it didn’t make me feel the way I thought it should.
Confused, I ended up finding a coach to work with. I embarked on a six month journey with her, and it changed my life. After experiencing so much disconnection in my life – from abuse, from high control religion – I started to feel spiritually connected. To the Earth, to the stars, to my higher self, to spirit guides, and ancestors. Although therapy was, and still is, incredibly helpful for me, I began to be in touch with the deep healing that is available to each one of us at all times.
I’ve been on a wild journey over these past few years. I’ve learned from many guides and mentors . I’ve developed my own spiritual practice that carries me through difficult times. I’ve been deep into the abyss of trauma work, and come out the other side completely transformed. I’ve left the fields of Aerospace Engineering and Planetary Science to focus on what I believe is important work I came here to do in this lifetime – help others find more connection, self-expression, and meaning in their lives.
Cassie Sands 